I have never felt a connection with anyone as I did with Mau. From the day I met Mau and Sasha almost 8 years ago I knew they would be two people who would be in my life forever. I could never count the many things that Mau has taught me. From practical things like nutrition, environmental activism and mental wellness to how to stand your ground and maintain your principles, how to never discriminate against anyone for any reason, and of course….how to say “you all” instead of the gender-biased “you guys”. Mau filled a lot of “shoes” in this life…teacher, drummer, friend, lover, daughter, sage and much more. She will forever be in my heart.
I will not live an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I chose to inhabit my days,
To allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on to fruit.
Dawna Markova
from Beyond Absence edited by Edward Searl
Thank you for this website. It is beautiful and helpful at the same time. Please keep it posted for a long time…(maybe for keeps)…perhaps I am not the only one who will need and want memories of Mau for a long time to come.
I also know that Mau built a unique community for herself. Those who visit this site are that communitiy. I would like to know more about it.
–Thanks again.
There are people in our lives that will always be remembered. Mau is one of them.
The heart beat of a drum
The flight of a bluebird
The look of concern
an encouraging word
These are the things
That enter my mind
The wisdom of her words
Were ever so kind.
She will be remembered
As a breeze on the face
A feeling so soft
Yet cannot embrace.
Mau was an important part of the Zola family’s life. She helped us all learn to see the world more consciously. I have included some family pictures to share in loving memory.
What a surprise, Mau: with all our Will making, casket sitting, and counseling—death still comes creeping up and catches us unaware.
Since there has been little mention of Mau’s midwifery practice in the Ozarks during the 1970s, I wanted to contribute this as a reminder to the many, many mothers and fathers who were able to exercise their rights to choose the manner they experience the birth of a child.
“Mau was such a warrior”, said a friend, hearing of her passing. Hard to believe behind that grin could be such strength.
How many of us have the authenticity to do what we think is right, with the authorities breathing down our necks?
Thank you, Mau, for your work. That was a time I will never forget, and you helped me not be afraid, to be strong, and mostly celebrate life’s miracle.
Her presence in my life was more distant that for some of you, but I spent many hours with her (and Sasha) at the Golden Light on Porter Wagoner and the one in the stone building, too, playing drums and percussion and listening to stories.
She and Mel and Sasha and I also did a helpful and revealing workshop on Classism together at the one on Porter Wagoner. I still remember some of the things I learned.
I was a client of Golden Light for awhile and learned so much about how to be strong, know more about my body, take charge of my own health and the joy of working with two women practitioners who were all about empowering their “patients”.
I loved hearing of Mau’s adventures, from her expeditions to hear Natalie Merchent and Deepok Chopra to taking time to visit Lake Wapapello to her decision to take more time for herself at home.
One time only I attended a workshop at her and Sasha’s home and I enjoyed it immensely. I loved seeing the gardens, hearing Mau talk about all she was engaged in at that time in her life. It was a very special experience which I hoped to one day repeat and I always told her to keep me on the list when, time after time, it didn’t work out for me to go to one.
I was saving $5.00 a month so I could get a drum kit and, with Mau’s help, make my own drum and I had achieved my goal not long before she became ill. Instead, I will send the money to Women for Women International.
I also loved hearing stories of Mau’s conviction (supported by Sasha’s similar one) that it is important for women not to be cowed by the authority of their healh-care providers. A prime example is the famous time at Midwest where the two of them were naked right along with the group of women they were teaching to do vaginal self-exams back in the heady days of the 80s, when I was living in Michigan and wishing there were women like Mau and Sasha in my life, though I didn’t even know it. I’ve heard about that one many times from many women who were profoundly affected in a positive way by the experience.
So, I send much love and respect with Mau on her present journey and am grateful that I knew her.
Laughter is my favorite memory. Mau and Sasha- its hard to talk about Mau without talking about Sasha too. When I was ill, they helped me. When I needed emotional support, they helped me. Our drumming circle was a high that lasted for days afterward. There were times we laughed till we cried. Mau set the beat. She was a force of nature. She was an original. I miss her terribly.
I wanted to share two of my fondest memories of Mau. The first of which I have relied on heavily over the past few weeks to help me grieve. In June 2006, Mau and I sat down together to record an interview about her drum making workshops. This was by far the best interview I taped. Looking back on it later, we thought this was due to the chemistry which Mau and I had going into it. I always told her I believed if we lived closer to each other and we could host a regular show on paganism, we could easily have a show which was worthy of syndication to pagan and new age radio stations.
Getting started recording took forever b/c we, as always, kept getting distracted by lengthy conversations about interesting topics which would pop into mind. Luckily Sasha and Crystal, “the practical ones”, were sitting nearby and got us back on track. But, of course, as soon as the tape began to roll we just looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably.
The second memory which keeps going through my mind is of one particular weekend, this past Summer, which I had traveled up to Mau & Sasha’s for a drum circle. Sasha was in West Plains and over half the people that had planned on coming did not show up. After the drum circle I was on my normal high of relaxation and stress-freedom. After everyone left, Mau and I went down to the basement for our usual post-drumming tech support session for her computer and iPod. We fixed a few bugs and loaded a few audio books onto her iPod. Just as we were walking back up into the kitchen, Mau turned to me and said, “you know, if you want to, you are more then welcome to stay over night…Sasha will be back tomorrow afternoon and I had planned on just taking it easy all day…we wouldn’t even have to talk to each other. I’ll turn the air down, you retire to the guest room and I’m going to go get some reading done.” This very thing was what always intrigued me about Mau. I hadn’t told her yet that I was having an extremely difficult time with work, home, stress and life in general. Yet, she knew from spending the afternoon with me that what I needed was some quite, personal time. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have many friends that would just say, “You know what? You need some space. How about you stay over tonight and we’ll not speak to each other for the next 24 hours. Here’s some books, there’s the fridge and if you need anything else…well, you’ve been here enough times to know where to find it”. LOL
So, we retired to our rooms and didn’t speak until the next morning when I quietly slipped out the front door with a quick “goodbye” and “love you, Mau!”. In the time that I was in that guest room, reading and meditating, I was able to clear my mind and figure out what actions to take over the next couple of weeks to get things back on track in my life. I will remember those spontaneous, solitary moments for the rest of my life. My friend knew what I needed most in that moment and didn’t hesitate to tell me.
I will always remember Mau and the lessons she taught me. At a time of my life when my feminism was struggling, Mau was my shining example. A strong, independent woman, who made her way through life with her head held high – what a perfect example for me.
I was awed by her fierce competitiveness during athletics. Volleyball wasn’t a backyard game, it was the Olympics. That focus and determination was a guidepost for me.
But mostly, Mau saved my daughter’s life. In 1983, Mau was my mid-wife. I went into labor 5 weeks early. My girl (JAT) was born blue & not breathing. Mau took charge doing mouth to mouth and directing others. She directed someone call the emergency squad. MAU had JAT breathing and pink before they arrived twenty minutes later. Mau was not “legal” in the state of Missouri then so she had to leave the room or get arrested for being at the birthing. Everyone could hear her in the next room and I think someone had to stand in front of the door to keep her out of the room. JAT is now 24 and has graduated from college. I believe she has some of Mau’s fierceness from those first shared breaths.
Thanks so much for sharing these things. It is a wonderful to remember the many different aspects of Mau. She was my partner, and the person that I went through my daily life with. Yesterday, I was hit by a memory of how much we enjoyed going to the Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis.
Mau helped me reclaim my power. It didn’t take so long to learn but it’s been a lifelong gift and for that, I am ever so grateful. Mau helped me learn about boundaries and my right to establish and maintain them. And she helped me question, rather than blindly accept, traditional health care choices. For all of these things, I’m grateful beyond words. Hugs to Sasha and prayers for Mau and Sasha as the journey changes but continues.
I recently found this on a yellowed paper at the back of a desk drawer; not sure where it’s from, but I liked it, and want to share it. To me, Mau is a person who lived thru all these stages, and did so with determination and grace.
Birth is a beginning … and death a destination … and life is a journey, from childhood to maturity, and youth to age; from innocence to awareness, and ignorance to knowing; from foolishness to discretion, and then, perhaps, to wisdom …. From weakness to strength …or strength to weakness — and, often, back again.
From offense to forgiveness … from loneliness to love … from joy to gratitude … from pain to compassion … and grief to understanding — from fear to faith; from defeat to defeat to defeat —
Until, looking backward or ahead … we see that victory lies, not at some high place along the way, but in having made the journey, stage by stage … A Sacred Pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning,
and death is a destination.
And life is a journey —
A Sacred Pilgrimage –
To life everlasting.
This poem reminds me so much of my interactions with Mau…..
Some people come into our lives and quickly go,
Some people move our souls to dance…..
They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing
whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
Leave footprints on our hearts,
And we are neve, ever the same!
Mau was such a positive influence in my life, that I must thank her for making me a better person. I hope that I will be able to have the positive ripple effect that she has had on generations! She will be greatly missed but never forgotten.
I only new Mau for a short time having met her at Golden Light when I was there for Sasha and Nancys Ayurvedic and Aromatherapy classes and then one time I was finally able to make it to a drum circle at her and Sasha’s home and it was this day that makes me smile the most when thinking of her. I had just arrived and was about to walk up to the house when Mau came out of Golden Light and she spoke and smiled to me and I noticed this little twinkle in her eye when she asked me about a buddhist retreat and the meeting with my teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. We talked for a few minutes and then I asked her if she wanted me to show her how the walking meditation was done by him and she said yes.. Well if anyone knows Thay (teacher) you know his form of walking is slower than a turtle crawling across the highway. I linked my arm through Mau’s arm and we slowly took one small step after another paying attention to only our breathing and the touch of the earth as we placed one foot in front of the other. I remember the look of happiness on her face with a smile as big as the sun that shone down upon us as we spent that moment of living in the present together. I will forever remember Mau. She had a smile that made her eye’s twinkle letting me know she was happy with life and full of love for all people. She was a beautful lady..
“Breathing in I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out I know that I am breathing out.”
I have only missed the greater part of Mau’s life, but I have grown to love her as if she had been a part of my life always. My fun with Mau goes in two or three different directions but they were all fun encouraging and good for my soul. I loved the drumming circles that I got to watch Mau’s face, anyone that knew her knows what I mean.!!!!Mau loved to watch us all and see which instrument was next. Especially me. The reason being I only had a drum beat and couldn’t posssiblity play anything else but to see that “laugh ‘ on her face was well worth nothing that I couldn’t play but she would do her best to encourage me to try.and almost make me believe that I had the ability to play. Blessed Be !!! I took a class with Mau here in the bluff and she throughly encouraged me to go to Jeff city for the real test. Like Larry said by Saturday night we were ready to come home but she ,nila and my self decided we were going to party the night away,I am not sure that any of us finished one beer, we were all exhausted. But the next day we “bragged’ about how well we completed our party. But trust you me, never did !!!!Mau is in the purest form now that we can all be in. She now holds the Role of A WHITE EAGLE !!!!!SASHA and I both saw HER! Although she held different love for us all I feel privilaged to being a little part of her life!!I Love you ,WHITE EAGLE!!!FLY IN PEACE AND KNOW THAT EVERYONE YOU EVER MET HOLDS YOU HIGH NOW AND FOREVER !!!!!!!
I never met Mau. I only knew her through phone calls and e-mails to KASU. She would send me announcements about the drumming workshops and other events at Golden Light, and she would call me if she didn’t hear those announcements run in a timely fashion! She kept me on my toes, but she also complimented me and made me feel appreciated. That’s important when you’re on the radio, and you can’t ’see’ your audience. She always had a kind word and she let me know how much she enjoyed listening. KASU has lost a loyal listener and faithful supporter, and I have lost a dear friend. I wish I had known her better.
Dear Sasha,
Today is a bitter sweet day in my life, it is my 56 winter(birthday) and today I received your card and message about Mau in the mail.
My daughter Sage (who Mau delivered 21 years ago this month at East Wind Community), was with me when I opened the card and she held me as I cried. My tears were of sadness that Mau has left this plane and joy for having had the privilege of knowing this courageous and wise womyn.
Mau helped me to find Faith in myself and I’ve carried this for 21 years so far and always will. Blessings to you Sasha.
All My Relations,
shakti morningstar
Dear Sasha
What a shock to get your letter today with the sad news of Mau’s passing. Her light in this world has dimmed but is now shining strong in the Otherworld. It is a comfort to have known Mau and to feel her spirit guiding us. She was like no other and it was a priviledge and honor to know her. I’d like to share this Mary Oliver poem. It feels like the way Mau lived her life and met her death.
When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes like the measle-pox;
when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.
When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
Thirty one years ago this month we met Mau, though we no longer remember how we got her name. It was one of those life changing moments when she agreed to help us with our home birth, deep in the Ozarks near Eldridge, MO, two hours from her home. She not only made it on time, but brought with her her calm and professional bedside manner, which was a great relief to both of us. Her training and assistance helped Kathryn and I have the special birthing celebration we wanted so badly. [We both remain - more or less - on the vitamin regimen she set up for us on the day we met.]
Seven months later, we experienced the amazing wonderment of that birthing in our hand built octagon home in a ‘holler’. We only saw Mau one more time, at the Midwest Women’s Festival, when Sequoia Sunrae was eleven months old, just before we moved to Oregon. But we have been honored annually ever since to share moments of our lives with each other at Christmastime.
Sasha, our heartfelt condolences are with you during this time of unimaginable loss. May you find solace in your treasured memories and the strong, caring support of friends. Thank you so much for taking time to share this sad news with us. We are better people for having met Mau.
i was stopped in my tracks when i heard of mau’s death. i first met mau over 30 years ago and our lives have touched sporadically ever since. her life as a nurse and midwife gave me courage and enpowered me to become a better nurse and midwife myself. her work with the families of the mentally ill gave comfort and hope to many. her wonderful laugh and hugs are a treasured memory for me. i honor her memory as a warrior in this world.
Like the Switzer’s, my son Jesse arrived in an octagon in an Ozark hollow with the guidance of the Golden Light team: professional, prepared and confident. Sasha, I recall that you had just begun an internship during that time and share a special, enduring bond with our family. We send our condolences and love.
Sasha and Mau delivered Jesse at home all 9 lbs 10 OZ
of him. Jesse’s delivery was a difficult one for all. Because of Golden Light Birthing and my mother with her Acupuncture, a difficult 10 hours became one of the most amazing moments in my life. . . the birth of my son Jesse. I went on to become an RN and an Acupuncturist, that is really where I comprehended how blessed we were to be alive. I also realized that birthing Jesse at home was the wisest choice David and I could have made. I have three beautiful children, all with different birthing experiences. I thank you Sasha and I am honored to have had you and Mau in our life
. . .23 years ago.
On 8/3/79, Mau and Tae drove 2 hours in the middle of the night to P Hwy in Willow Springs to deliver Rya Fawn. Their knowledge of working with gravity saved me from what would have been a hospital forcep delivery, without even a tear! I got to attend a few births with them and had I not moved to Portland OR in 1982, I would have studied midwifery with them. Mau’s strong spirit and intense drive to work on herself and evolve have always affected my life. Though we lost touch over the years (my own fault), Mau has always been there. Whenever I had a major life decision to make, I would know in the back of my mind that Mau would be behind me 150%!
Mau’s transition announcement came on a profound day. That day I attended an astrological lecture on death in the chart. I gave the presenter permission to use Rya as an example. Unfortunetly Rya made her unexpected transition just after her 27th birthday. (I hope she was the only one of Mau’s babies to help greet her.) When I got home, Mau’s announcement was in the mailbox with wolves pictured in her program. The next night I attended a Jan.birthday party where a calendar on the wall was open to Aug. of last year. The picture was of a deer (Rya comes to me in this form) with an inset picture of a wolf. That let me know they’ve reunited! The next day I took flowers to a memorial site for Rya in a wildlife refuge within walking distance of my house. It was a typical northwest cloudy day. After I read “I Will Not Live an Unlived Life” in their honor, I looked up to be delighted by brilliant red clouds where the unseen sun was setting, letting me know they heard me.
I have felt extreme guilt over not telling Mau about Rya. Now I know she knows…and I know she forgives me. Thank you Mau for your part in helping me be another strong woman.
You and I only knew each other from the letters that passed between your house and Golden Light. I remember the beautiful pictures you sent of your garden and the lovely photos of Rya. I remember how warmly Mau remembered you. As much as a person can speak for someone else, I want to say on Mau’s behalf that you have no need to feel guilt over not telling her. Maus’ connections with people were often nonverbal. She liked that (commenting that I was much too verbal on occasion). If you were connecting with her in your heart, and I know that you were, that was plenty and good.
I felt blessed to be invited to witness the birth of Paul and Tennessee’s twins, Solita and Joakima. Mau and Sasha delivered the babies at home. The joy in the room was ecstatic. Now the twins are 16 year old beauties who share our highways.
I feel kindred with Mau and Sasha, as our spiritual journeys and life-work learning alternative methods of healing resonated with each other over the many years.
Mau is as alive now as she has been since the birth of her soul. She loves us. Her love did not stem from the body but from her spirit which is an eternal being.
Before Mau passed over I wrote her a letter. I am sharing some of that letter in her memory.
Mau…
There is a place in me where I keep some much treasured memories of moments we shared. One such time was a day in June in your yard where beautiful flowers were bursting with color and sweet fragrance was carried on a warm breeze. We walked talking as friends and it was easy between us. The words were not so important. It was the essence of what passed between us, the essence of the moment. I was lifted up by what must have been a soul connection and remember thinking, “Oh, this is what happiness feels like”. And in that moment I knew.
Another special time was when you were telling me about how you gained the confidence of your pet fish, Whitey, and how he allowed you to stroke his body with your finger. I was mesmerized. Then you invited me in to see this incredible act of trust and connection between you and your fish. What a sight when Whitey swam up to your finger and let you gently pet him. It was such a beautiful thing and I am glad I got to see that way you are with your animals.
There was a crystal clear moment one day when you played your bass for me. You said later that this was something you did not usually do but it had just felt OK at the time. We were talking and you were telling me about how you were learning to play the bass. Then you brought it out to show me. With no words you just began playing. The music you made that day was some of the most moving music I have ever heard. I can still hear the notes. It seemed to me that you touched into some higher musical plane. It was very inspiring and had an ethereal quality. I do not know for sure what happened but I do know I really enjoyed your musical spontaneity.
Thank you, Mau, for these special memories, these wonderful gifts and many more. Because of you there has been goodness and light brought into this world. Thank you for letting your light really shine.
Even though we didn’t meet in person but a few times, she made her presence known in my life through the occasional phone conversation and the several e-mail messages we exchanged. I first met Mau through one of her drum circle workshops as I was recovering from stage 4 Kidney cancer. She had a way of making everyone there completely at ease and able to share their own stories. I spent the first part of my life as a professional musician and was greatly impressed with Mau’s musical ability. Her leadership, bringing peaceful awareness to a group of strangers united only by a desire to share thru music and stories is something I try to emulate in my work as a music teacher. I have had a hard time accepting that her physical body is no longer here with us. I still have her address in my email and phone number programmed into my phone. Living in trying times, it was great being able to vent and hear the experiences of one on a path to self awareness. I loved reading the e-mails she sent me about the drum circles I wasn’t able to attend. The recounting of her retreat with Pema was also something that I really appreciated. My mentor Orff teacher in Colorado was also a student of Pema’s. I wish the two of them could’ve met.
I am thankful for this beautiful website. I just found out today that Mau was a distant relative of mine, and I found out this information in a serendipitous way. A close friend, also a friend of Mau’s, used Mau as an example to inspire me. The mention of her name sparked a memory of something my mother once mentioned about having a relative in Missouri when I moved here 5 years ago from NY. I called my mother and confirmed that this is the same person. Well she is and I am humbled. I now see, through the words on this page, that we had many of the same interests and I can only hope to touch even a fraction of the people Mau seems to have touched. I regret never meeting this strong woman but will allow her light to illuminate and inspire my future.
Nice to hear of a relative of Mau’s who discovered her in such a serendipitous way. Do you live in Missouri? if you’d like to talk further about Mau, please feel free to contact me. I lived with Mau for the last 24 years of her life, and have some contact to her other relatives and old friends from New Jersey, too.
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December 27th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I have never felt a connection with anyone as I did with Mau. From the day I met Mau and Sasha almost 8 years ago I knew they would be two people who would be in my life forever. I could never count the many things that Mau has taught me. From practical things like nutrition, environmental activism and mental wellness to how to stand your ground and maintain your principles, how to never discriminate against anyone for any reason, and of course….how to say “you all” instead of the gender-biased “you guys”.
Mau filled a lot of “shoes” in this life…teacher, drummer, friend, lover, daughter, sage and much more. She will forever be in my heart.
December 27th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
I will not live an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I chose to inhabit my days,
To allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on to fruit.
Dawna Markova
from Beyond Absence edited by Edward Searl
December 27th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Thank you for this website. It is beautiful and helpful at the same time. Please keep it posted for a long time…(maybe for keeps)…perhaps I am not the only one who will need and want memories of Mau for a long time to come.
I also know that Mau built a unique community for herself. Those who visit this site are that communitiy. I would like to know more about it.
–Thanks again.
December 27th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
There are people in our lives that will always be remembered. Mau is one of them.
The heart beat of a drum
The flight of a bluebird
The look of concern
an encouraging word
These are the things
That enter my mind
The wisdom of her words
Were ever so kind.
She will be remembered
As a breeze on the face
A feeling so soft
Yet cannot embrace.
December 29th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Mau was an important part of the Zola family’s life. She helped us all learn to see the world more consciously. I have included some family pictures to share in loving memory.
What a surprise, Mau: with all our Will making, casket sitting, and counseling—death still comes creeping up and catches us unaware.
December 30th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Since there has been little mention of Mau’s midwifery practice in the Ozarks during the 1970s, I wanted to contribute this as a reminder to the many, many mothers and fathers who were able to exercise their rights to choose the manner they experience the birth of a child.
“Mau was such a warrior”, said a friend, hearing of her passing. Hard to believe behind that grin could be such strength.
How many of us have the authenticity to do what we think is right, with the authorities breathing down our necks?
Thank you, Mau, for your work. That was a time I will never forget, and you helped me not be afraid, to be strong, and mostly celebrate life’s miracle.
Rest in peace, Mary Anne Vaughn
December 30th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
I have many memories of Mau.
Her presence in my life was more distant that for some of you, but I spent many hours with her (and Sasha) at the Golden Light on Porter Wagoner and the one in the stone building, too, playing drums and percussion and listening to stories.
She and Mel and Sasha and I also did a helpful and revealing workshop on Classism together at the one on Porter Wagoner. I still remember some of the things I learned.
I was a client of Golden Light for awhile and learned so much about how to be strong, know more about my body, take charge of my own health and the joy of working with two women practitioners who were all about empowering their “patients”.
I loved hearing of Mau’s adventures, from her expeditions to hear Natalie Merchent and Deepok Chopra to taking time to visit Lake Wapapello to her decision to take more time for herself at home.
One time only I attended a workshop at her and Sasha’s home and I enjoyed it immensely. I loved seeing the gardens, hearing Mau talk about all she was engaged in at that time in her life. It was a very special experience which I hoped to one day repeat and I always told her to keep me on the list when, time after time, it didn’t work out for me to go to one.
I was saving $5.00 a month so I could get a drum kit and, with Mau’s help, make my own drum and I had achieved my goal not long before she became ill. Instead, I will send the money to Women for Women International.
I also loved hearing stories of Mau’s conviction (supported by Sasha’s similar one) that it is important for women not to be cowed by the authority of their healh-care providers. A prime example is the famous time at Midwest where the two of them were naked right along with the group of women they were teaching to do vaginal self-exams back in the heady days of the 80s, when I was living in Michigan and wishing there were women like Mau and Sasha in my life, though I didn’t even know it. I’ve heard about that one many times from many women who were profoundly affected in a positive way by the experience.
So, I send much love and respect with Mau on her present journey and am grateful that I knew her.
December 31st, 2007 at 10:45 am
Laughter is my favorite memory. Mau and Sasha- its hard to talk about Mau without talking about Sasha too. When I was ill, they helped me. When I needed emotional support, they helped me. Our drumming circle was a high that lasted for days afterward. There were times we laughed till we cried. Mau set the beat. She was a force of nature. She was an original. I miss her terribly.
December 31st, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I wanted to share two of my fondest memories of Mau. The first of which I have relied on heavily over the past few weeks to help me grieve. In June 2006, Mau and I sat down together to record an interview about her drum making workshops. This was by far the best interview I taped. Looking back on it later, we thought this was due to the chemistry which Mau and I had going into it. I always told her I believed if we lived closer to each other and we could host a regular show on paganism, we could easily have a show which was worthy of syndication to pagan and new age radio stations.
Getting started recording took forever b/c we, as always, kept getting distracted by lengthy conversations about interesting topics which would pop into mind. Luckily Sasha and Crystal, “the practical ones”, were sitting nearby and got us back on track. But, of course, as soon as the tape began to roll we just looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably.
To listen to the whole podcast you can go here: http://www.circleofthegreatspirit.org/node/53
Or, to listen to my favorite part, the “bloopers”, go here: http://www.circleofthegreatspirit.org/files/audio/ep5cotgs-bloopers.mp3
The second memory which keeps going through my mind is of one particular weekend, this past Summer, which I had traveled up to Mau & Sasha’s for a drum circle. Sasha was in West Plains and over half the people that had planned on coming did not show up. After the drum circle I was on my normal high of relaxation and stress-freedom. After everyone left, Mau and I went down to the basement for our usual post-drumming tech support session for her computer and iPod. We fixed a few bugs and loaded a few audio books onto her iPod. Just as we were walking back up into the kitchen, Mau turned to me and said, “you know, if you want to, you are more then welcome to stay over night…Sasha will be back tomorrow afternoon and I had planned on just taking it easy all day…we wouldn’t even have to talk to each other. I’ll turn the air down, you retire to the guest room and I’m going to go get some reading done.” This very thing was what always intrigued me about Mau. I hadn’t told her yet that I was having an extremely difficult time with work, home, stress and life in general. Yet, she knew from spending the afternoon with me that what I needed was some quite, personal time. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have many friends that would just say, “You know what? You need some space. How about you stay over tonight and we’ll not speak to each other for the next 24 hours. Here’s some books, there’s the fridge and if you need anything else…well, you’ve been here enough times to know where to find it”. LOL
So, we retired to our rooms and didn’t speak until the next morning when I quietly slipped out the front door with a quick “goodbye” and “love you, Mau!”. In the time that I was in that guest room, reading and meditating, I was able to clear my mind and figure out what actions to take over the next couple of weeks to get things back on track in my life. I will remember those spontaneous, solitary moments for the rest of my life. My friend knew what I needed most in that moment and didn’t hesitate to tell me.
January 1st, 2008 at 10:59 am
I will always remember Mau and the lessons she taught me. At a time of my life when my feminism was struggling, Mau was my shining example. A strong, independent woman, who made her way through life with her head held high – what a perfect example for me.
I was awed by her fierce competitiveness during athletics. Volleyball wasn’t a backyard game, it was the Olympics. That focus and determination was a guidepost for me.
But mostly, Mau saved my daughter’s life. In 1983, Mau was my mid-wife. I went into labor 5 weeks early. My girl (JAT) was born blue & not breathing. Mau took charge doing mouth to mouth and directing others. She directed someone call the emergency squad. MAU had JAT breathing and pink before they arrived twenty minutes later. Mau was not “legal” in the state of Missouri then so she had to leave the room or get arrested for being at the birthing. Everyone could hear her in the next room and I think someone had to stand in front of the door to keep her out of the room. JAT is now 24 and has graduated from college. I believe she has some of Mau’s fierceness from those first shared breaths.
Minnette
January 4th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Thanks so much for sharing these things. It is a wonderful to remember the many different aspects of Mau. She was my partner, and the person that I went through my daily life with. Yesterday, I was hit by a memory of how much we enjoyed going to the Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Mau helped me reclaim my power. It didn’t take so long to learn but it’s been a lifelong gift and for that, I am ever so grateful. Mau helped me learn about boundaries and my right to establish and maintain them. And she helped me question, rather than blindly accept, traditional health care choices. For all of these things, I’m grateful beyond words. Hugs to Sasha and prayers for Mau and Sasha as the journey changes but continues.
January 6th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I recently found this on a yellowed paper at the back of a desk drawer; not sure where it’s from, but I liked it, and want to share it. To me, Mau is a person who lived thru all these stages, and did so with determination and grace.
Birth is a beginning … and death a destination … and life is a journey, from childhood to maturity, and youth to age; from innocence to awareness, and ignorance to knowing; from foolishness to discretion, and then, perhaps, to wisdom …. From weakness to strength …or strength to weakness — and, often, back again.
From offense to forgiveness … from loneliness to love … from joy to gratitude … from pain to compassion … and grief to understanding — from fear to faith; from defeat to defeat to defeat —
Until, looking backward or ahead … we see that victory lies, not at some high place along the way, but in having made the journey, stage by stage … A Sacred Pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning,
and death is a destination.
And life is a journey —
A Sacred Pilgrimage –
To life everlasting.
January 7th, 2008 at 11:57 am
This poem reminds me so much of my interactions with Mau…..
Some people come into our lives and quickly go,
Some people move our souls to dance…..
They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing
whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
Leave footprints on our hearts,
And we are neve, ever the same!
Mau was such a positive influence in my life, that I must thank her for making me a better person. I hope that I will be able to have the positive ripple effect that she has had on generations! She will be greatly missed but never forgotten.
January 7th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/steventrotter/2175998506/
January 9th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I only new Mau for a short time having met her at Golden Light when I was there for Sasha and Nancys Ayurvedic and Aromatherapy classes and then one time I was finally able to make it to a drum circle at her and Sasha’s home and it was this day that makes me smile the most when thinking of her. I had just arrived and was about to walk up to the house when Mau came out of Golden Light and she spoke and smiled to me and I noticed this little twinkle in her eye when she asked me about a buddhist retreat and the meeting with my teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. We talked for a few minutes and then I asked her if she wanted me to show her how the walking meditation was done by him and she said yes.. Well if anyone knows Thay (teacher) you know his form of walking is slower than a turtle crawling across the highway. I linked my arm through Mau’s arm and we slowly took one small step after another paying attention to only our breathing and the touch of the earth as we placed one foot in front of the other. I remember the look of happiness on her face with a smile as big as the sun that shone down upon us as we spent that moment of living in the present together.
I will forever remember Mau. She had a smile that made her eye’s twinkle letting me know she was happy with life and full of love for all people. She was a beautful lady..
“Breathing in I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out I know that I am breathing out.”
January 14th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I have only missed the greater part of Mau’s life, but I have grown to love her as if she had been a part of my life always. My fun with Mau goes in two or three different directions but they were all fun encouraging and good for my soul. I loved the drumming circles that I got to watch Mau’s face, anyone that knew her knows what I mean.!!!!Mau loved to watch us all and see which instrument was next. Especially me. The reason being I only had a drum beat and couldn’t posssiblity play anything else but to see that “laugh ‘ on her face was well worth nothing that I couldn’t play but she would do her best to encourage me to try.and almost make me believe that I had the ability to play. Blessed Be !!! I took a class with Mau here in the bluff and she throughly encouraged me to go to Jeff city for the real test. Like Larry said by Saturday night we were ready to come home but she ,nila and my self decided we were going to party the night away,I am not sure that any of us finished one beer, we were all exhausted. But the next day we “bragged’ about how well we completed our party. But trust you me, never did !!!!Mau is in the purest form now that we can all be in. She now holds the Role of A WHITE EAGLE !!!!!SASHA and I both saw HER! Although she held different love for us all I feel privilaged to being a little part of her life!!I Love you ,WHITE EAGLE!!!FLY IN PEACE AND KNOW THAT EVERYONE YOU EVER MET HOLDS YOU HIGH NOW AND FOREVER !!!!!!!
January 18th, 2008 at 6:08 am
I never met Mau. I only knew her through phone calls and e-mails to KASU. She would send me announcements about the drumming workshops and other events at Golden Light, and she would call me if she didn’t hear those announcements run in a timely fashion! She kept me on my toes, but she also complimented me and made me feel appreciated. That’s important when you’re on the radio, and you can’t ’see’ your audience. She always had a kind word and she let me know how much she enjoyed listening. KASU has lost a loyal listener and faithful supporter, and I have lost a dear friend. I wish I had known her better.
January 19th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Dear Sasha,
Today is a bitter sweet day in my life, it is my 56 winter(birthday) and today I received your card and message about Mau in the mail.
My daughter Sage (who Mau delivered 21 years ago this month at East Wind Community), was with me when I opened the card and she held me as I cried. My tears were of sadness that Mau has left this plane and joy for having had the privilege of knowing this courageous and wise womyn.
Mau helped me to find Faith in myself and I’ve carried this for 21 years so far and always will. Blessings to you Sasha.
All My Relations,
shakti morningstar
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Dear Sasha
What a shock to get your letter today with the sad news of Mau’s passing. Her light in this world has dimmed but is now shining strong in the Otherworld. It is a comfort to have known Mau and to feel her spirit guiding us. She was like no other and it was a priviledge and honor to know her. I’d like to share this Mary Oliver poem. It feels like the way Mau lived her life and met her death.
When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse
to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes like the measle-pox;
when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,
I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?
And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,
and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,
and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,
and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.
When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
….Mary Oliver
January 24th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Thirty one years ago this month we met Mau, though we no longer remember how we got her name. It was one of those life changing moments when she agreed to help us with our home birth, deep in the Ozarks near Eldridge, MO, two hours from her home. She not only made it on time, but brought with her her calm and professional bedside manner, which was a great relief to both of us. Her training and assistance helped Kathryn and I have the special birthing celebration we wanted so badly. [We both remain - more or less - on the vitamin regimen she set up for us on the day we met.]
Seven months later, we experienced the amazing wonderment of that birthing in our hand built octagon home in a ‘holler’. We only saw Mau one more time, at the Midwest Women’s Festival, when Sequoia Sunrae was eleven months old, just before we moved to Oregon. But we have been honored annually ever since to share moments of our lives with each other at Christmastime.
Sasha, our heartfelt condolences are with you during this time of unimaginable loss. May you find solace in your treasured memories and the strong, caring support of friends. Thank you so much for taking time to share this sad news with us. We are better people for having met Mau.
January 25th, 2008 at 7:19 am
i was stopped in my tracks when i heard of mau’s death. i first met mau over 30 years ago and our lives have touched sporadically ever since. her life as a nurse and midwife gave me courage and enpowered me to become a better nurse and midwife myself. her work with the families of the mentally ill gave comfort and hope to many. her wonderful laugh and hugs are a treasured memory for me. i honor her memory as a warrior in this world.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Like the Switzer’s, my son Jesse arrived in an octagon in an Ozark hollow with the guidance of the Golden Light team: professional, prepared and confident. Sasha, I recall that you had just begun an internship during that time and share a special, enduring bond with our family. We send our condolences and love.
January 27th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Sasha and Mau delivered Jesse at home all 9 lbs 10 OZ
of him. Jesse’s delivery was a difficult one for all. Because of Golden Light Birthing and my mother with her Acupuncture, a difficult 10 hours became one of the most amazing moments in my life. . . the birth of my son Jesse. I went on to become an RN and an Acupuncturist, that is really where I comprehended how blessed we were to be alive. I also realized that birthing Jesse at home was the wisest choice David and I could have made. I have three beautiful children, all with different birthing experiences. I thank you Sasha and I am honored to have had you and Mau in our life
. . .23 years ago.
January 27th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
On 8/3/79, Mau and Tae drove 2 hours in the middle of the night to P Hwy in Willow Springs to deliver Rya Fawn. Their knowledge of working with gravity saved me from what would have been a hospital forcep delivery, without even a tear! I got to attend a few births with them and had I not moved to Portland OR in 1982, I would have studied midwifery with them. Mau’s strong spirit and intense drive to work on herself and evolve have always affected my life. Though we lost touch over the years (my own fault), Mau has always been there. Whenever I had a major life decision to make, I would know in the back of my mind that Mau would be behind me 150%!
Mau’s transition announcement came on a profound day. That day I attended an astrological lecture on death in the chart. I gave the presenter permission to use Rya as an example. Unfortunetly Rya made her unexpected transition just after her 27th birthday. (I hope she was the only one of Mau’s babies to help greet her.) When I got home, Mau’s announcement was in the mailbox with wolves pictured in her program. The next night I attended a Jan.birthday party where a calendar on the wall was open to Aug. of last year. The picture was of a deer (Rya comes to me in this form) with an inset picture of a wolf. That let me know they’ve reunited! The next day I took flowers to a memorial site for Rya in a wildlife refuge within walking distance of my house. It was a typical northwest cloudy day. After I read “I Will Not Live an Unlived Life” in their honor, I looked up to be delighted by brilliant red clouds where the unseen sun was setting, letting me know they heard me.
I have felt extreme guilt over not telling Mau about Rya. Now I know she knows…and I know she forgives me. Thank you Mau for your part in helping me be another strong woman.
January 31st, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Dear Nancy,
You and I only knew each other from the letters that passed between your house and Golden Light. I remember the beautiful pictures you sent of your garden and the lovely photos of Rya. I remember how warmly Mau remembered you. As much as a person can speak for someone else, I want to say on Mau’s behalf that you have no need to feel guilt over not telling her. Maus’ connections with people were often nonverbal. She liked that (commenting that I was much too verbal on occasion). If you were connecting with her in your heart, and I know that you were, that was plenty and good.
Thank you for sharing your story.
February 2nd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
I felt blessed to be invited to witness the birth of Paul and Tennessee’s twins, Solita and Joakima. Mau and Sasha delivered the babies at home. The joy in the room was ecstatic. Now the twins are 16 year old beauties who share our highways.
I feel kindred with Mau and Sasha, as our spiritual journeys and life-work learning alternative methods of healing resonated with each other over the many years.
Mau is as alive now as she has been since the birth of her soul. She loves us. Her love did not stem from the body but from her spirit which is an eternal being.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Before Mau passed over I wrote her a letter. I am sharing some of that letter in her memory.
Mau…
There is a place in me where I keep some much treasured memories of moments we shared. One such time was a day in June in your yard where beautiful flowers were bursting with color and sweet fragrance was carried on a warm breeze. We walked talking as friends and it was easy between us. The words were not so important. It was the essence of what passed between us, the essence of the moment. I was lifted up by what must have been a soul connection and remember thinking, “Oh, this is what happiness feels like”. And in that moment I knew.
Another special time was when you were telling me about how you gained the confidence of your pet fish, Whitey, and how he allowed you to stroke his body with your finger. I was mesmerized. Then you invited me in to see this incredible act of trust and connection between you and your fish. What a sight when Whitey swam up to your finger and let you gently pet him. It was such a beautiful thing and I am glad I got to see that way you are with your animals.
There was a crystal clear moment one day when you played your bass for me. You said later that this was something you did not usually do but it had just felt OK at the time. We were talking and you were telling me about how you were learning to play the bass. Then you brought it out to show me. With no words you just began playing. The music you made that day was some of the most moving music I have ever heard. I can still hear the notes. It seemed to me that you touched into some higher musical plane. It was very inspiring and had an ethereal quality. I do not know for sure what happened but I do know I really enjoyed your musical spontaneity.
Thank you, Mau, for these special memories, these wonderful gifts and many more. Because of you there has been goodness and light brought into this world. Thank you for letting your light really shine.
September 6th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Even though we didn’t meet in person but a few times, she made her presence known in my life through the occasional phone conversation and the several e-mail messages we exchanged. I first met Mau through one of her drum circle workshops as I was recovering from stage 4 Kidney cancer. She had a way of making everyone there completely at ease and able to share their own stories. I spent the first part of my life as a professional musician and was greatly impressed with Mau’s musical ability. Her leadership, bringing peaceful awareness to a group of strangers united only by a desire to share thru music and stories is something I try to emulate in my work as a music teacher. I have had a hard time accepting that her physical body is no longer here with us. I still have her address in my email and phone number programmed into my phone. Living in trying times, it was great being able to vent and hear the experiences of one on a path to self awareness. I loved reading the e-mails she sent me about the drum circles I wasn’t able to attend. The recounting of her retreat with Pema was also something that I really appreciated. My mentor Orff teacher in Colorado was also a student of Pema’s. I wish the two of them could’ve met.
October 19th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I am thankful for this beautiful website. I just found out today that Mau was a distant relative of mine, and I found out this information in a serendipitous way. A close friend, also a friend of Mau’s, used Mau as an example to inspire me. The mention of her name sparked a memory of something my mother once mentioned about having a relative in Missouri when I moved here 5 years ago from NY. I called my mother and confirmed that this is the same person. Well she is and I am humbled. I now see, through the words on this page, that we had many of the same interests and I can only hope to touch even a fraction of the people Mau seems to have touched. I regret never meeting this strong woman but will allow her light to illuminate and inspire my future.
October 20th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Lauren,
Nice to hear of a relative of Mau’s who discovered her in such a serendipitous way. Do you live in Missouri? if you’d like to talk further about Mau, please feel free to contact me. I lived with Mau for the last 24 years of her life, and have some contact to her other relatives and old friends from New Jersey, too.
Warmly,
Sasha Daucus
sashad@semo.net